STORYTIME: how I lost myself in 2018 Sometime last spring, a gym friend of mine told me he was with his friends and my name came up. His friend said something along the lines of: “Yeah man I follow her and I think she’s hot and all, seems like a sweet girl, but I read her captions and I am like ... what the fuck??? Like, she writes paragraphs and uses all these big words I’ve never heard, and it’s just too much. weird.” I laughed it off, but his words stung. they circled my mind each time I opened Instagram to post, and the narrative in my head consisted of “Melissa, no one gives a shit what you have to say.” “You can’t write that. People will judge you.” “Actually, who are you kidding? no one even gives a shit about your captions. They’re only here for your body.” If you know me, fitness is 40% of my life and writing is 60%... I mean, it’s literally what I intend to do for a living once the whole fitness thing fizzles out. So I went through a bit of an identity crisis believing there was no way I could possibly blend the two, that on this platform constructed around my physique, I’d have to mute one of the most prominent facets of myself. I became so fixated with how others would perceive me that I stifled my thoughts with a corny and irrelevant caption. As a result, I felt increasingly disingenuous and unsatisfied with myself. i don’t want to feel that way anymore. In 2019 I will fully embrace who I am without questioning whether it’s “cool” enough. Perhaps somedays my captions will be informative fitness posts; somedays maybe a monologue about the butterfly at my window, or maybe somedays they WILL just be a gym pic with drake lyric. because, well, that’s a part of who I am, too. 😂 I no longer feel lost, but I’m still finding myself. I don’t think any of us have it all figured out yet! However, what I do know is that this year I will still be working to become the best version of Melissa possible—the version that I want to be, because that’s the only version that matters. @melissakerman melissakerman

  • melissakerman

    @melissakerman

    2 weeks ago
  • San Juan
  • STORYTIME: how I lost myself in 2018 Sometime last spring, a gym friend of mine told me he was with his friends and my name came up. His friend said something along the lines of: “Yeah man I follow her and I think she’s hot and all, seems like a sweet girl, but I read her captions and I am like ... what the fuck??? Like, she writes paragraphs and uses all these big words I’ve never heard, and it’s just too much. weird.” I laughed it off, but his words stung. they circled my mind each time I opened Instagram to post, and the narrative in my head consisted of “Melissa, no one gives a shit what you have to say.” “You can’t write that. People will judge you.” “Actually, who are you kidding? no one even gives a shit about your captions. They’re only here for your body.” If you know me, fitness is 40% of my life and writing is 60%... I mean, it’s literally what I intend to do for a living once the whole fitness thing fizzles out. So I went through a bit of an identity crisis believing there was no way I could possibly blend the two, that on this platform constructed around my physique, I’d have to mute one of the most prominent facets of myself. I became so fixated with how others would perceive me that I stifled my thoughts with a corny and irrelevant caption. As a result, I felt increasingly disingenuous and unsatisfied with myself. i don’t want to feel that way anymore. In 2019 I will fully embrace who I am without questioning whether it’s “cool” enough. Perhaps somedays my captions will be informative fitness posts; somedays maybe a monologue about the butterfly at my window, or maybe somedays they WILL just be a gym pic with drake lyric. because, well, that’s a part of who I am, too. 😂 I no longer feel lost, but I’m still finding myself. I don’t think any of us have it all figured out yet! However, what I do know is that this year I will still be working to become the best version of Melissa possible—the version that I want to be, because that’s the only version that matters.
     STORYTIME: how I lost myself in 2018

Sometime last spring, a gym friend of mine told me he was with his friends and my name came up. His friend said something along the lines of: “Yeah man I follow her and I think she’s hot and all, seems like a sweet girl, but I read her captions and I am like ... what the fuck??? Like, she writes paragraphs and uses all these big words I’ve never heard, and it’s just too much. weird.” I laughed it off, but his words stung. they circled my mind each time I opened Instagram to post, and the narrative in my head consisted of “Melissa, no one gives a shit what you have to say.”
“You can’t write that. People will judge you.”
“Actually, who are you kidding? no one even gives a shit about your captions. They’re only here for your body.” If you know me, fitness is 40% of my life and writing is 60%... I mean, it’s literally what I intend to do for a living once the whole fitness thing fizzles out. So I went through a bit of an identity crisis believing there was no way I could possibly blend the two, that on this platform constructed around my physique, I’d have to mute one of the most prominent facets of myself.

I became so fixated with how others would perceive me that I stifled my thoughts with a corny and irrelevant caption. As a result, I felt increasingly disingenuous and unsatisfied with myself.

i don’t want to feel that way anymore. In 2019 I will fully embrace who I am without questioning whether it’s “cool” enough. Perhaps somedays my captions will be informative fitness posts; somedays maybe a monologue about the butterfly at my window, or maybe somedays they WILL just be a gym pic with drake lyric. because, well, that’s a part of who I am, too. 😂

I no longer feel lost, but I’m still finding myself. I don’t think any of us have it all figured out yet! However, what I do know is that this year I will still be working to become the best version of Melissa possible—the version that I want to be, because that’s the only version that matters.

    STORYTIME: how I lost myself in 2018

    Sometime last spring, a gym friend of mine told me he was with his friends and my name came up. His friend said something along the lines of: “Yeah man I follow her and I think she’s hot and all, seems like a sweet girl, but I read her captions and I am like ... what the fuck??? Like, she writes paragraphs and uses all these big words I’ve never heard, and it’s just too much. weird.” I laughed it off, but his words stung. they circled my mind each time I opened Instagram to post, and the narrative in my head consisted of “Melissa, no one gives a shit what you have to say.”
    “You can’t write that. People will judge you.”
    “Actually, who are you kidding? no one even gives a shit about your captions. They’re only here for your body.” If you know me, fitness is 40% of my life and writing is 60%... I mean, it’s literally what I intend to do for a living once the whole fitness thing fizzles out. So I went through a bit of an identity crisis believing there was no way I could possibly blend the two, that on this platform constructed around my physique, I’d have to mute one of the most prominent facets of myself.

    I became so fixated with how others would perceive me that I stifled my thoughts with a corny and irrelevant caption. As a result, I felt increasingly disingenuous and unsatisfied with myself.

    i don’t want to feel that way anymore. In 2019 I will fully embrace who I am without questioning whether it’s “cool” enough. Perhaps somedays my captions will be informative fitness posts; somedays maybe a monologue about the butterfly at my window, or maybe somedays they WILL just be a gym pic with drake lyric. because, well, that’s a part of who I am, too. 😂

    I no longer feel lost, but I’m still finding myself. I don’t think any of us have it all figured out yet! However, what I do know is that this year I will still be working to become the best version of Melissa possible—the version that I want to be, because that’s the only version that matters.

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sildryg - Sig 2 weeks ago

Funny i always stop and read your posts. Yes the finess progress is fenomenal , but so is your writing skill.

nelmo_ehh - Nelson Morales Jr. 2 weeks ago

Your captions are amazing. You keep on doing yourself and let those who criticize keep on criticizing. Also, summer looks yo 😍😍😍

jackyallen52 - Jacky Oswin Allen 2 weeks ago

Finding myself/yourself is an essential phase in our lives. Where it will lead me to is not known. What I do know is that I still have a long way to go. As for myself, sometimes I think like ‘I don’t care about what everyone thinks about me’. But that would base on the fact that I have the good enough ways doing things. But at the end of 2018, I’ve realized way more about my problems and troubles when I interact with people and listening to what some people say is still important for me to turn to some sides and change. And again, this is just my own case.

mickponts80 - Michael Ponting 2 weeks ago

You will always be your own harshest critic, if you post about your thoughts and feeling and what you want, then nothing else should matter. Don’t let narrow minded people control you. Be you!